A loooong time ago...

A long time ago (a little over 3 years), there was a young woman named Julie who had ample time to do all sorts of things that she enjoyed doing...

It's been over a year since I last updated this blog and what a year it has been! I'm expecting our third child (a girl this time) and racing to keep up with my 3-year-old and 20-month-old. I love being a SAHM and spending my life serving my family. But it definitely cuts into some of my preferred activities. Reading for pleasure is a rare occurrence. Watching something other than children's shows doesn't happen very often. Getting into the car and going somewhere does not occur without stopping to think about if the diaper bag is supplied or if the destination has 2-child baskets (thank you HEB), and finally if it is even worth the trouble of going to that place at all. (I'm tired just from thinking about it.)

But it is such a privilege to be mommy to my two precious boys. And my latest obsession is setting up Tot School for them. What is Tot School, you ask?

A good friend sent me a link to the Blog 1+1+1=1.

I found more information than I could ever hope to use on schooling my very young children. Not that they require a great deal of formalized "schooling" but Carisa's blog details how to teach your child basic concepts while playing with them. I've been glued to this blog ever since I first started reading it and I don't think I will be weaned off any time soon.

I'm taking steps to get my own Tot School up and running. I'm deliberately not spending a lot of money, but relying on some of my own (and other's) creativity to put plans in place. Stay tuned to see if I manage it before the baby is born this summer.

Been a while.....

Ok, so it has been a long time since I last updated.  But such is the life of having two small children.  I am not currently fasting from anything, even though Lent has already begun.  I found that I really needed to examine my heart for my motives.  

My last 40 days fast was a disaster.  I found myself battling pride and "Pharisee-ism."  For example, I would eat a chocolate chip cookie, but pick out the chocolate chips.  As I did so I recalled the verse where Jesus is whipping up on the Pharisess, telling them they "strain out a gnat, but swallow a camel."  I wondered if that was what I was doing.  By picking out those chocolate chips, was I missing a greater point?  I had sworn off chocolate, candy, and sodas, so I wasn't eating the chocolate.  Just the cookie.  Technically I wasn't breaking the fast.  But was that really the point?

Another issue I dealt with was seeing certain foods as evil or sinful.  Unclean, if you will.  But that code was fulfilled through Jesus Christ, and He told Peter to not call anything unclean.  My righteousness does not come from what I eat or don't eat, but only by the person of Jesus Christ.  I was losing sight of that, and feeling prideful that I did not do certain things.  

Since that fast ended (back in December, I think) I have allowed myself to eat whatever I want.  Unfortunately, that never seems to go well with me.  I start off ok, but then I always end up going to extremes.  I will eat so many sweets and other unhealthy foods, and I can tell a difference in my energy levels and in my immunity.  (Not sleeping through the night doesn't help, either.)

I would like to start another fast, but I want to be sure it is something that God wants me to do, and not just me.  Otherwise, it will fail.  So please be praying with me, that I will seek His face, His will, and His kingdom first.  Then all these other things will be added as well.     

How Did I Get Here?

This afternoon, as I licked the remaining powder sugary goodness off my fingers, I encountered a pang of remorse and asked myself, "How did I get here?"

Let me explain.  Having had a slightly frustrating day with 2 children under the age of 2, I found myself in front of the pantry.  The 2 precious, but sometimes-drive-me-crazy blessings were finally both down for their naps.  I felt close to the edge of losing my mind and I stood there in front of the pantry, searching for something to numb the pain.  I spotted the powdered donuts and swooped in like a hawk.  

I'm proud to say that I only ate 3, but I'm also disappointed that I ate any at all.  Why did I turn to food for my comfort?  Why did I rely on something sweet and unhealthy to make myself feel better?  How did I get to this point?  When did this start?

Why do we humans turn to eating for comfort?  I know I'm not alone in this.  I see it in my oldest son, too.  When he gets upset, he immediately asks for his milk.  Sometimes he doesn't even drink it; he just wants to have the spout in his mouth.  He is comforted by having something in his mouth.  Of course babies receive comfort by sucking.  Do we just not outgrow that need?  Or is eating just the quickest path to pleasure?

All of these thoughts flashed across my mind as I finished licking my fingers.  But why, oh why, did I turn to food instead of the Giver of all comfort?  I could have come before the Lord and poured out my heart to Him and He would have welcomed me.  He could have give me lasting peace and the pleasure that comes from communion with the Lover of my soul.  

Lord, help me to always run to you instead of the things of this world.   

Still busy, but settling in....

It's hard to believe that two months have passed since my second son was born.  It's been over a month since I have updated.  

As of my last posting, I was ending a fast and about to take a week off.  Well, I allowed myself to indulge in some chocolate, but discovered something unpleasant.  I'm exclusively breastfeeding my son, and chocolate upsets his tummy.  It was a little disappointing and I fought with myself about it.  On one hand, I felt I deserved to enjoy some chocolate, but I hated seeing him cry and squirm as he experienced a tummy ache.  So I actually did not indulge as much as I planned, which was probably a blessing in disguise.  

After my week off, I began again on September 14.  I did not have a sense of needing to add something else, so I kept with no chocolate/sodas/candy.  I have one week left on this 40 days and it is very interesting to me to see how my attitude has changed.  During this 40 days I have had chocolate three times.  So yes, I did break my fast.  However, each time was not a result of weakness.  I wasn't faced with a temptation that I could not stand.  I could have said no each time.  And interestingly enough, I did not feel guilty after indulging.  It has definitely gotten easier to say No.  

That being said, this past week I have become aware of cravings I am having for sweets, chocolate included.  I am reminded of the verse about staying alert so that I will not fall into temptation.  I have enjoyed some success and I'm seeing a lessening of the hold of those things in my life.  But I must not become prideful, lest I fall back into old ways.  

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith..."  1 Peter 5:8-9

 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."   Matthew 26:41

Praise God for His faithfulness to me.  He has brought me so far during this year.  I'm so thankful that He continues to work in my life, giving me strength to withstand temptation and offering ways of escape.  

Busy Busy Busy

I haven't had much of an opportunity to update.  The last 3 weeks have been very eventful, given that my second son was born on August 14.  With a 19-month-old and a newborn, well, it doesn't leave much room for updating a blog.  

Today is the last day of my 3rd 40 day fast.  To recap, I continued to abstain from chocolate and cokes, but added candy to that, as well.  I kept all of those, with one exception.  After the birth of my son, a good friend brought dinner over and she had made a yummy chocolate pudding cake.  She did not know that I was on a chocolate fast.  I considered not eating any of it.  But then I also thought about legalsim.  She had made that cake as a blessing to me.  Would it not be legalistic to not partake of even a little bit?  It wasn't the same situation as me standing in the grocery store checkout line trying to resist buying a piece of candy and then giving in out of weakness.  If she had asked me, I would have asked her not to make anything chocolate.  But she didn't ask so she didn't know.  She thought about something that I would enjoy and made it for me.  From scratch, I think.  

This may sound like a rationalization, but I couldn't go without having some of it.  Not because I couldn't resist the chocolate appeal, but because I wanted to be able to tell her that I enjoyed it very much and appreciated the trouble she went to in making it.  I wouldn't have been able to tell her that otherwise.  So that was my instance of straying from the fast.  But I hope it makes sense that only did so out of love and appreciation to a very dear friend.

I'll take my usual week off, and allow myself to enjoy a few things on the forbidden list.  However, I remember what happened last time, so I'll be sure to keep it under control.  I don't want another sore throat and drainage like last time.  Especially not with having to care for a newborn.  

Struggles and Little Victories

Isn't it interesting how a little success can make us full of ourselves?  

I've been doing fine with avoiding sodas, chocolate, and other candy.  But what about the sweets that are NOT in those categories?  I bought a box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies one day last week with the intention of having 1 a day as a treat.  I ended up eating at least 2 a day instead.  It was like I became this ravenous beast without any control.  The really sad part is that I didn't WANT to control it.  I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray during those times of craving, but I refused.  I wanted to give in.  

Let me just say that it is not a sin to eat any type of food.  Jesus declared everything clean and our righteousness does not come from what we eat.  Our righteousness is completely from the work of Jesus Christ.  But for me to ignore a prompting from the Holy Spirit, that is sinful.

When I understood this (after the frenzy) I realized that I was trying to do this on my own power.  A friend of mine is also going through the 40 days with me and she shared with me that she is making it her prayer that she would desire God more than she desires the taste of sweet things.  When she shared that with me, I was even more aware that I had lost sight of the main reason for doing this--to grow closer to the Lord.

Improved health is a definite benefit, but the whole point of this exercise is to rely more on the Lord, especially when I'm feeling weak.  

So after making it right with the Lord, I experienced some more victories.  They might not seem big to other people, but they are huge to me:  Not eating dessert at a church dinner.  Not eating any processed sweet during an entire day.

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness, even during my weakness.

Consequences

So the second 40 days ended July 17.  I took a week off and I allowed myself chocolate and sodas.  I didn't have very many sodas, but I sure indulged in the chocolate.  For 7 days I ate anything I wanted--a Milky Way, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream with chocolate topping, brownies, chocolate milk tea.  Delicious!!!

I shouldn't have been surprised when I woke up a week later with sinus drainage and a scratchy throat.  The glands under my throat were swollen and there was sinus pressure in my head.  I knew exactly why I was feeling the way I did.  Whenever I go overboard on sugar this is what happens to me.  Sugar is an immune system-depressor and by indulging so much I pushed my immune system down to a level that I became susceptible to the cold that was going around some of the people at church.  

I'm almost over it now, but it's taken almost 2 weeks to get past all of the symptoms.  For 1 week of indulgence I've had 2 weeks of symptoms.  Was it really worth it?