How Did I Get Here?

This afternoon, as I licked the remaining powder sugary goodness off my fingers, I encountered a pang of remorse and asked myself, "How did I get here?"

Let me explain.  Having had a slightly frustrating day with 2 children under the age of 2, I found myself in front of the pantry.  The 2 precious, but sometimes-drive-me-crazy blessings were finally both down for their naps.  I felt close to the edge of losing my mind and I stood there in front of the pantry, searching for something to numb the pain.  I spotted the powdered donuts and swooped in like a hawk.  

I'm proud to say that I only ate 3, but I'm also disappointed that I ate any at all.  Why did I turn to food for my comfort?  Why did I rely on something sweet and unhealthy to make myself feel better?  How did I get to this point?  When did this start?

Why do we humans turn to eating for comfort?  I know I'm not alone in this.  I see it in my oldest son, too.  When he gets upset, he immediately asks for his milk.  Sometimes he doesn't even drink it; he just wants to have the spout in his mouth.  He is comforted by having something in his mouth.  Of course babies receive comfort by sucking.  Do we just not outgrow that need?  Or is eating just the quickest path to pleasure?

All of these thoughts flashed across my mind as I finished licking my fingers.  But why, oh why, did I turn to food instead of the Giver of all comfort?  I could have come before the Lord and poured out my heart to Him and He would have welcomed me.  He could have give me lasting peace and the pleasure that comes from communion with the Lover of my soul.  

Lord, help me to always run to you instead of the things of this world.